Barnfithap is a god.

He takes the form of an extremely thin, sapient crocodile.

Barnfithap created the universe five trillion years ago.

If you believe in Barnfithap, he will laugh at you.

If you do not believe in Barnfithap, he will send twenty two thousand, three hundred, and seventy eight badgers to sort you out.

Barnfithap's most sacred site is Oppin in Germany.

Barnfithap's Holy Commandments

1. Do not speak about rice.

2. Never write about the weak nuclear force.

3. Never skip near dogs.

4. Never feed aubergines to foxes while wearing cyan tights.

5. Worship no other gods but Barnfithap.