Parkhakkad is a god.

He takes the form of a massive, resourceful guinea pig.

Parkhakkad created humankind nine billion years ago.

If you believe in Parkhakkad, he will be happy.

If you do not believe in Parkhakkad, he will destroy your favourite star.

Parkhakkad's most sacred site is Elatos in Greece.

Parkhakkad's Holy Commandments

1. Do not shave your legs.

2. Retreat if four mice approach from the north.

3. Never write about the weak nuclear force.

4. Never write about evolution by means of natural selection.

5. Do not wear platinum on your body.