Hugtonkvid is a god.

It takes the form of a microscopic, blissful rhinoceros.

Hugtonkvid created dark matter six trillion years ago.

If you believe in Hugtonkvid, it will ignore you.

If you do not believe in Hugtonkvid, it will jump up and down fuming with rage.

Hugtonkvid's most sacred site is Goat's Hole Cave in England.

Hugtonkvid's Holy Commandments

1. Do not shave your feet.

2. Do not drink from vessels made of earth.

3. Never sing in holy places.

4. Never write about moons.

5. Tell all that you meet of the great power of Hugtonkvid.