Padmonhak is a god.

He takes the form of a seven hundred metre long, stupid capybara.

Padmonhak created a down quark two billion years ago.

If you believe in Padmonhak, he will laugh at you.

If you do not believe in Padmonhak, he will destroy your home solar system.

Padmonhak's most sacred site is Katteri in India.

Padmonhak's Holy Commandments

1. Run away from black doves, for they are unholy.

2. Always make a point of helping unfortunate sheep.

3. Never paint your neck cyan.

4. Always pray in complete darkness.

5. Do not chop down trees.