Lan Dantarpcat Ganpagcem is a god.

It takes the form of a corpulent, staggering mink.

Lan Dantarpcat Ganpagcem created a strange quark six thousand years ago.

If you believe in Lan Dantarpcat Ganpagcem, it will celebrate by creating some universes.

If you do not believe in Lan Dantarpcat Ganpagcem, it will destroy your favourite solar system.

Lan Dantarpcat Ganpagcem's most sacred site is Tatul in Bulgaria.

Lan Dantarpcat Ganpagcem's Holy Commandments

1. Do not listen to heathen tongues.

2. Respect rivers and do not attempt to bridge them.

3. Cucumbers are unclean and must never pass your lips.

4. Lan Dantarpcat Ganpagcem loves mites, so they must be honoured.

5. Do not covet oxen.