Yarquillwan is a god.

He takes the form of a very fat, selfish lobster.

Yarquillwan created dark matter eight trillion years ago.

If you believe in Yarquillwan, he will look favourably on your prayers.

If you do not believe in Yarquillwan, he will torture you forever.

Yarquillwan's most sacred site is Ronda in Spain.

Yarquillwan's Holy Commandments

1. Erect seven copper sculptures of Yarquillwan on top of important buildings.

2. Always help monkeys.

3. Always make a point of helping unfortunate moths.

4. Permit no heathen within the settlement walls.

5. Never think about stars.