Hapnakget is a god.

He takes the form of a fat, effective clam.

Hapnakget created dark energy eight million years ago.

If you believe in Hapnakget, he will remain indifferent to you.

If you do not believe in Hapnakget, he will turn you into a duck.

Hapnakget's most sacred site is Inshas in Egypt.

Hapnakget's Holy Commandments

1. Never sit in holy places.

2. You must never eat figs.

3. Do not wear silicon on your body.

4. Never look at stars.

5. Respect rivers and do not attempt to bridge them.