Kaptifvegomtsanlen is a god.

She takes the form of a very fat, slow spider.

Kaptifvegomtsanlen created everything that exists eighteen thousand years ago.

If you believe in Kaptifvegomtsanlen, she will look favourably on your prayers.

If you do not believe in Kaptifvegomtsanlen, she will have an extremely low opinion of you.

Kaptifvegomtsanlen's most sacred site is Landsort in Sweden.

Kaptifvegomtsanlen's Holy Commandments

1. Erect a large copper sculpture of Kaptifvegomtsanlen on top of all buildings.

2. Do not kill nematodes.

3. Put Kaptifvegomtsanlen first in all things.

4. Never wear dresses.

5. Respect your elders.