Bifcunbarn is a god.

It takes the form of a fat, caring clam.

Bifcunbarn created dark matter three thousand years ago.

If you believe in Bifcunbarn, it will give you a massive pile of rare-earth elements.

If you do not believe in Bifcunbarn, it will destroy your favourite planet.

Bifcunbarn's most sacred site is Cusihuiriachi in Mexico.

Bifcunbarn's Holy Commandments

1. Respect rivers and do not attempt to bridge them.

2. Never feed parsnips to manatees while wearing orange dresses.

3. Never write about evolution by means of natural selection.

4. Do not wear magenta clothing.

5. Do not commit murder.