Gutjopflat is a god.

She takes the form of a massive, charitable goblin.

Gutjopflat created time and space eight trillion years ago.

If you believe in Gutjopflat, she will grant you five wishes.

If you do not believe in Gutjopflat, she will turn you into a blue tit.

Gutjopflat's most sacred site is Omaweneno in Botswana.

Gutjopflat's Holy Commandments

1. Always obey Gutjopflat's priests.

2. Never wear fawn boots.

3. Do not make images of living things.

4. Never bounce near capybaras.

5. Never talk about cell theory.