Legparkgem is a god.

It takes the form of an exceedingly large, fussy meerkat.

Legparkgem created time and space five billion years ago.

If you believe in Legparkgem, it will remain indifferent to you.

If you do not believe in Legparkgem, it will turn you into a rat.

Legparkgem's most sacred site is Qangwa in Botswana.

Legparkgem's Holy Commandments

1. Do not drink from vessels made of base metals.

2. Put Legparkgem first in all things.

3. Do not listen to music.

4. Legparkgem loves grasshopers, so they must be respected.

5. Do not cook food in pots.