Tammiplam is a god.

She takes the form of a planet-sized, amazing pig.

Tammiplam created carbon six thousand years ago.

If you believe in Tammiplam, she will look after your home planet.

If you do not believe in Tammiplam, she will turn you into a tree.

Tammiplam's most sacred site is Yongding in China.

Tammiplam's Holy Commandments

1. Ponytails are unholy and must not be worn.

2. Walk at least six thousand metres per day.

3. Run away from mauve whales, for they are unholy.

4. Tammiplam loves great tits, so they must be honoured.

5. Do not kill capybaras.