Capnellbening is a god.

He takes the form of a two thousand metre long, duplicitous skunk.

Capnellbening created a top quark three thousand years ago.

If you believe in Capnellbening, he will grant you immortality.

If you do not believe in Capnellbening, he will jump up and down on your head.

Capnellbening's most sacred site is Turckheim in France.

Capnellbening's Holy Commandments

1. Never pour water over plants.

2. Always pray in complete darkness.

3. Never eat bark.

4. Always prostrate yourself in the presence of your elders.

5. Never talk about seals.