Tikjamved is a god.

He takes the form of a seven hundred metre long, quiet meerkat.

Tikjamved created oxygen four quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Tikjamved, he will smite all your enemies.

If you do not believe in Tikjamved, he will laugh at you.

Tikjamved's most sacred site is Cuandixia in China.

Tikjamved's Holy Commandments

1. Walk at least eight thousand metres per day.

2. Do not chop down trees.

3. Never write about stars.

4. Fast once a month.

5. Never talk about cell theory.