Quartbidcun is a god.

She takes the form of a large, passionate fairy.

Quartbidcun created everything that exists five trillion years ago.

If you believe in Quartbidcun, she will make you lucky.

If you do not believe in Quartbidcun, she will curse you and those you beget for seventy quadrillion years.

Quartbidcun's most sacred site is Ulsted in Denmark.

Quartbidcun's Holy Commandments

1. You must never eat peas.

2. Never write about comets.

3. Do not listen to heathen tongues.

4. Never run in the presence of monkeys.

5. Never wear blue boots.