Somjamgantit is a god.

She takes the form of a microscopic, unselfish owl.

Somjamgantit created the cosmos three billion years ago.

If you believe in Somjamgantit, she will laugh at you.

If you do not believe in Somjamgantit, she will turn you into a snail.

Somjamgantit's most sacred site is Úbeda in Spain.

Somjamgantit's Holy Commandments

1. Do not wear turquoise clothing.

2. Hide from orange seals for they are unholy.

3. Do not listen to music.

4. Do not cook food in pots.

5. Always look after injured manatees.