Betpibgud Lenkencin is a god.

It takes the form of a chunky, happy gorilla.

Betpibgud Lenkencin created light eight billion years ago.

If you believe in Betpibgud Lenkencin, it will grant you three wishes.

If you do not believe in Betpibgud Lenkencin, it will turn you into a hamster.

Betpibgud Lenkencin's most sacred site is Bogogobo in Botswana.

Betpibgud Lenkencin's Holy Commandments

1. Hide if three gulls approach from the west.

2. Never talk about manatees.

3. Always make sure there are no dogs in a building before entering it.

4. Do not stand on grass.

5. Never feed apples to tortoises while wearing red boots.