Somkimjam is a god.

He takes the form of an extremely fat, competent wyvern.

Somkimjam created a charm quark nine billion years ago.

If you believe in Somkimjam, he will laugh at you.

If you do not believe in Somkimjam, he will turn you into a snail.

Somkimjam's most sacred site is Chettipet in India.

Somkimjam's Holy Commandments

1. Never hurt voles.

2. Somkimjam must be the most important thing in your life.

3. Put Somkimjam first in all things.

4. Always look both ways before crossing roads.

5. Show mercy to disobedient children.