Nelhakcar is a god.

She takes the form of a chunky, ill-tempered manatee.

Nelhakcar created the planet Jupiter nine thousand years ago.

If you believe in Nelhakcar, she will not care.

If you do not believe in Nelhakcar, she will ignore you and hope you go away.

Nelhakcar's most sacred site is Kgope in Botswana.

Nelhakcar's Holy Commandments

1. Never think about the strong nuclear force.

2. Shrews are unholy and should not be approached.

3. Do not cook food in pots.

4. Fast once a month.

5. Never jump in holy places.