Artlarnkem is a god.

It takes the form of an extremely large, compassionate armadillo.

Artlarnkem created Mount Everest three hundred thousand years ago.

If you believe in Artlarnkem, it will grant you three wishes.

If you do not believe in Artlarnkem, it will try to impress you with trees.

Artlarnkem's most sacred site is Issigeac in France.

Artlarnkem's Holy Commandments

1. Permit no heathen within the settlement walls.

2. Never go into cyan rooms.

3. Always obey Artlarnkem's priests.

4. Cucumbers are unclean and must never pass your lips.

5. Do not drink alcohol.