Rilvidrow is a god.

She takes the form of a fat, competent seal.

Rilvidrow created dark energy eight thousand years ago.

If you believe in Rilvidrow, she will approve.

If you do not believe in Rilvidrow, she will curse you and those you beget for twenty six billion years.

Rilvidrow's most sacred site is Daren in Wales.

Rilvidrow's Holy Commandments

1. Do not speak about pineapples.

2. Never bounce in the presence of birds.

3. Your children must be taught to worship Rilvidrow.

4. Do not shelter from rain as it is holy.

5. Do not imbibe mustard, for it is unholy.