Lintikkannell Veenpanhab is a god.

She takes the form of a planet-sized, duplicitous horse.

Lintikkannell Veenpanhab created energy two thousand years ago.

If you believe in Lintikkannell Veenpanhab, she will give you a free moon.

If you do not believe in Lintikkannell Veenpanhab, she will boil you in a big pot.

Lintikkannell Veenpanhab's most sacred site is Sirama in Madagascar.

Lintikkannell Veenpanhab's Holy Commandments

1. Do not listen to music.

2. Never write about horizontal gene transfer.

3. Potatoes are unclean and must never pass your lips.

4. Do not take Lintikkannell Veenpanhab's name in vain.

5. You must love Lintikkannell Veenpanhab.