Jonflamnak is a god.

It takes the form of a heavy, humane mole.

Jonflamnak created Europe five thousand years ago.

If you believe in Jonflamnak, it will be shocked.

If you do not believe in Jonflamnak, it will not care.

Jonflamnak's most sacred site is Tatul in Bulgaria.

Jonflamnak's Holy Commandments

1. Doors are unholy and should not be erected.

2. Erect seven nickel sculptures of Jonflamnak on top of important buildings.

3. Your children must be taught to worship Jonflamnak.

4. Do not eat garlic.

5. Never laugh in holy places.