Gamfadcunwip Wab is a god.

He takes the form of a five thousand metre long, staggering unicorn.

Gamfadcunwip Wab created humanity two billion years ago.

If you believe in Gamfadcunwip Wab, he will give you lots of grapes.

If you do not believe in Gamfadcunwip Wab, he will say rude things about you at parties.

Gamfadcunwip Wab's most sacred site is Aimala in Finland.

Gamfadcunwip Wab's Holy Commandments

1. Treat sacred texts with the utmost of respect.

2. Radishes are unclean and should not be eaten.

3. Never eat bark.

4. Do not shelter from rain as it is holy.

5. Never write about horizontal gene transfer.