Ominzantaf is a god.

She takes the form of a three hundred metre long, charitable fish.

Ominzantaf created the planet Saturn six thousand years ago.

If you believe in Ominzantaf, she will laugh at you.

If you do not believe in Ominzantaf, she will curse you with boils.

Ominzantaf's most sacred site is Brancion in France.

Ominzantaf's Holy Commandments

1. Hide from blue tortoises for they are unholy.

2. Never paint your legs turquoise.

3. Always make sure there are no turtles in a building before entering it.

4. Never look in ponds.

5. Potatoes are unclean and must never pass your lips.