Fligfatcem Pintalwab is a god.

It takes the form of an exceedingly fat, capable fish.

Fligfatcem Pintalwab created a charm quark six trillion years ago.

If you believe in Fligfatcem Pintalwab, it will grant all your wishes.

If you do not believe in Fligfatcem Pintalwab, it will turn you into a mouse.

Fligfatcem Pintalwab's most sacred site is Wukan in China.

Fligfatcem Pintalwab's Holy Commandments

1. Do not wear blue clothing.

2. Run away if three snails approach from the south.

3. Cucumbers are unclean and must never pass your lips.

4. Permit no heathen within the settlement walls.

5. Do not drink from vessels made of base metals.