Gesscaplip is a god.

She takes the form of a very fat, pitiless zebra.

Gesscaplip created life five trillion years ago.

If you believe in Gesscaplip, she will grant your every desire.

If you do not believe in Gesscaplip, she will turn you into a sheep.

Gesscaplip's most sacred site is Insel in Germany.

Gesscaplip's Holy Commandments

1. Erect seven gold sculptures of Gesscaplip on top of important buildings.

2. Always take life seriously.

3. Run away if six porpoises approach from the east.

4. Do not laugh in public.

5. Put Gesscaplip first in all things.