Tonbigtaf is a god.

It takes the form of a chunky, narcissistic swallow.

Tonbigtaf created the planet Saturn nine billion years ago.

If you believe in Tonbigtaf, it will look after your home planet.

If you do not believe in Tonbigtaf, it will torture you forever.

Tonbigtaf's most sacred site is Shengyou in China.

Tonbigtaf's Holy Commandments

1. Do not dye your hair mauve.

2. Do not fashion models of living things.

3. Put Tonbigtaf first in all things.

4. Run away if three ants approach from the east.

5. Tonbigtaf loves doves, so they must be honoured.