Pigquamfid is a god.

He takes the form of a rotund, passionate mink.

Pigquamfid created matter eight trillion years ago.

If you believe in Pigquamfid, he will make you immortal.

If you do not believe in Pigquamfid, he will send four elephants to rub you out.

Pigquamfid's most sacred site is Polagam in India.

Pigquamfid's Holy Commandments

1. Do not dye your hair pink.

2. Pigquamfid loves birds, so they must be honoured.

3. Do not imbibe mustard, for it is unholy.

4. Always help tortoises.

5. Always help foxes in need.