Nulfetmit is a god.

He takes the form of a plump, omnipotent tapir.

Nulfetmit created the planet Mars eight thousand years ago.

If you believe in Nulfetmit, he will laugh at you.

If you do not believe in Nulfetmit, he will turn you into a frog.

Nulfetmit's most sacred site is Yongding in China.

Nulfetmit's Holy Commandments

1. Always help birds in need.

2. Pray towards the west.

3. Never talk about moths.

4. Do not imbibe mustard, for it is unholy.

5. Always help sick cats.