Donvonkkad is a god.

It takes the form of a five thousand metre long, competent owl.

Donvonkkad created the universe five million years ago.

If you believe in Donvonkkad, it will ignore you forever.

If you do not believe in Donvonkkad, it will say rude things about you at parties.

Donvonkkad's most sacred site is Chettipet in India.

Donvonkkad's Holy Commandments

1. Never think ill of sick manatees.

2. Cucumbers are unclean and must never pass your lips.

3. Donvonkkad loves tortoises, so they must be respected.

4. Do not hurt shrews.

5. Run away if eight ducks approach from the west.