Parknartit is a god.

He takes the form of a seven hundred metre long, humorless clam.

Parknartit created everything that exists six trillion years ago.

If you believe in Parknartit, he will give you lots of grapes.

If you do not believe in Parknartit, he will curse you and those you beget for all time.

Parknartit's most sacred site is Auvillar in France.

Parknartit's Holy Commandments

1. Walk at least four thousand metres per day.

2. Do not drink water in pink rooms.

3. Do not imbibe mustard, for it is unholy.

4. Permit no heathen within the settlement walls.

5. Never go into turquoise rooms.