Tofflam is a god.

She takes the form of a nine hundred metre long, humane hummingbird.

Tofflam created oxygen five billion years ago.

If you believe in Tofflam, she will celebrate by creating some universes.

If you do not believe in Tofflam, she will hide angry, poisonous snakes in your dwelling place.

Tofflam's most sacred site is Leswalt in Scotland.

Tofflam's Holy Commandments

1. Worship no other gods but Tofflam.

2. You must never eat limes.

3. Doors are unholy and should not be erected.

4. Never play with disobedient children.

5. Always treat hamsters with great respect.