Talcabkem Bellhapran is a god.

It takes the form of a galaxy-sized, witless wasp.

Talcabkem Bellhapran created the planet Earth three quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Talcabkem Bellhapran, it will give you lots of gold.

If you do not believe in Talcabkem Bellhapran, it will turn you into a frog.

Talcabkem Bellhapran's most sacred site is Rutalahti in Finland.

Talcabkem Bellhapran's Holy Commandments

1. Always make sure there are no horses in a building before entering it.

2. Never pour water over plants.

3. Never go into blue rooms.

4. Always obey Talcabkem Bellhapran's priests.

5. Never think about horizontal gene transfer.