Flandotpan is a god.

It takes the form of a three hundred metre long, uncaring spider.

Flandotpan created the Cigar Galaxy eight trillion years ago.

If you believe in Flandotpan, it will give you a massive pile of rare-earth elements.

If you do not believe in Flandotpan, it will hide angry, poisonous spiders in your dwelling place.

Flandotpan's most sacred site is Daren in Wales.

Flandotpan's Holy Commandments

1. Flandotpan must be the most important thing in your life.

2. Always take life seriously.

3. Always wear turquoise.

4. Never eat bark.

5. Never paint your hands cyan.