Nurtsanwit Jamwegyamnab is a god.

He takes the form of a blubbery, ruthless dove.

Nurtsanwit Jamwegyamnab created the planet Saturn five thousand years ago.

If you believe in Nurtsanwit Jamwegyamnab, he will laugh at you.

If you do not believe in Nurtsanwit Jamwegyamnab, he will send you a sign.

Nurtsanwit Jamwegyamnab's most sacred site is Zlatolist in Bulgaria.

Nurtsanwit Jamwegyamnab's Holy Commandments

1. Do not imbibe mustard, for it is unholy.

2. Never eat green fruit.

3. Do not stand on grass.

4. Do not listen to heathen tongues.

5. Do not make images of living things.