Hatxenpon is a god.

He takes the form of an enormous, selfish snake.

Hatxenpon created time and space nine billion years ago.

If you believe in Hatxenpon, he will look after you all your life.

If you do not believe in Hatxenpon, he will ignore you and hope you go away.

Hatxenpon's most sacred site is Dingcun in China.

Hatxenpon's Holy Commandments

1. Ponytails are unholy and must not be worn.

2. Do not chop down trees.

3. Do not drink from vessels made of silicon.

4. Do not drink from vessels made of base metals.

5. You must pray to Hatxenpon five times a day.