Loptendog is a god.

It takes the form of a rotund, competent elephant.

Loptendog created the planet Mars three billion years ago.

If you believe in Loptendog, it will be surprised.

If you do not believe in Loptendog, it will name a particularly small and pointless comet after you.

Loptendog's most sacred site is Daraina in Madagascar.

Loptendog's Holy Commandments

1. Your grandchildren must be taught to worship Loptendog.

2. Never talk about the weak nuclear force.

3. Run away if nine foxes approach from the north.

4. Always make sure there are no snails in a room before entering it.

5. Never paint your arms yellow.