Ontfutgupflat is a god.

She takes the form of an extremely fat, humorless otter.

Ontfutgupflat created the planet Earth five thousand years ago.

If you believe in Ontfutgupflat, she will not care.

If you do not believe in Ontfutgupflat, she will destroy your favourite solar system.

Ontfutgupflat's most sacred site is Gorbio in France.

Ontfutgupflat's Holy Commandments

1. Retreat if five frogs approach from the east.

2. Do not run in public.

3. Run away from brown geese, for they are unholy.

4. Do not listen to music.

5. Ontfutgupflat loves mice, so they must be honoured.