Captiktan is a god.

She takes the form of an eight hundred metre long, stupid badger.

Captiktan created time and space seven thousand years ago.

If you believe in Captiktan, she will be shocked.

If you do not believe in Captiktan, she will ignore you and hope you go away.

Captiktan's most sacred site is Landsort in Sweden.

Captiktan's Holy Commandments

1. Fast once a month.

2. Never wear black rings.

3. Do not eat beans.

4. Grasshopers are unholy and should not be approached.

5. Never look at stars.