Yarvenquatfum is a god.

She takes the form of a fat, proud owl.

Yarvenquatfum created the Large Magellanic Cloud eight trillion years ago.

If you believe in Yarvenquatfum, she will grant your every wish.

If you do not believe in Yarvenquatfum, she will curse you and those you beget for fifty two trillion years.

Yarvenquatfum's most sacred site is Utti in Finland.

Yarvenquatfum's Holy Commandments

1. Never go into green rooms.

2. Never write about amino acids.

3. Radishes are unclean and should not be eaten.

4. You must pray to Yarvenquatfum four times a day.

5. Do not chop down trees.