Ratzakwee is a god.

She takes the form of a seven hundred metre long, self-confident spider.

Ratzakwee created the Sun three thousand years ago.

If you believe in Ratzakwee, she will remain indifferent to you.

If you do not believe in Ratzakwee, she will send three marmosets to sort you out.

Ratzakwee's most sacred site is Rautio in Finland.

Ratzakwee's Holy Commandments

1. Always help ducks.

2. Never write about gravity.

3. Never sit near turtles.

4. Do not dye your hair yellow.

5. Do not wear aluminium on your body.