Sabflatjin is a god.

He takes the form of a chunky, merciless hedgehog.

Sabflatjin created an up quark seven billion years ago.

If you believe in Sabflatjin, he will make you immortal.

If you do not believe in Sabflatjin, he will curse you with boils.

Sabflatjin's most sacred site is Hetta in Finland.

Sabflatjin's Holy Commandments

1. Respect your elders.

2. Do not cook food in pots.

3. Always pray in complete darkness.

4. You must never eat oranges.

5. Worship no other gods but Sabflatjin.