Fetarmnak is a god.

She takes the form of an extremely fat, unthinking jellyfish.

Fetarmnak created vertebrates three quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Fetarmnak, she will give you a free planet.

If you do not believe in Fetarmnak, she will attempt to scare you with earthquakes.

Fetarmnak's most sacred site is Miiluranta in Finland.

Fetarmnak's Holy Commandments

1. Do not trade with those who eat aubergines.

2. Do not covet oxen.

3. Hide if seven doves approach from the north.

4. Always pray immersed in water.

5. Never write about planets.