Sugmumyam Kemlimzim is a god.

She takes the form of an extremely small, unthoughtful wolf.

Sugmumyam Kemlimzim created an electron four quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Sugmumyam Kemlimzim, she will give you lots of gold.

If you do not believe in Sugmumyam Kemlimzim, she will turn you into a sheep.

Sugmumyam Kemlimzim's most sacred site is Panayadikuppam in India.

Sugmumyam Kemlimzim's Holy Commandments

1. Never write about evolution by means of natural selection.

2. Respect rivers and do not attempt to bridge them.

3. Hide if seven snakes approach from the west.

4. Do not stand on grass.

5. Cucumbers are unclean and must never pass your lips.