Tonranvad is a god.

It takes the form of a very large, generous salamander.

Tonranvad created Africa six billion years ago.

If you believe in Tonranvad, it will look after you all your life.

If you do not believe in Tonranvad, it will torture you forever.

Tonranvad's most sacred site is Questenberg in Germany.

Tonranvad's Holy Commandments

1. Look mercifully on unfortunate badgers.

2. Run away if five nematodes approach from the west.

3. Erect eight aluminium sculptures of Tonranvad on top of important buildings.

4. Potatoes are unclean and must never pass your lips.

5. Do not wear iron on your body.