Yartkimquim is a god.

He takes the form of a huge, cheerful rat.

Yartkimquim created tapeworms five trillion years ago.

If you believe in Yartkimquim, he will be very happy.

If you do not believe in Yartkimquim, he will cry a lot.

Yartkimquim's most sacred site is Grimme in Germany.

Yartkimquim's Holy Commandments

1. Retreat if five squirrels approach from the south.

2. Never eat lentils.

3. Do not hurt badgers.

4. Do not wear purple clothing.

5. Always obey Yartkimquim's priests.