Tofdapwip is a god.

It takes the form of an exceedingly large, stupid alligator.

Tofdapwip created snails three quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Tofdapwip, it will celebrate by creating some planets.

If you do not believe in Tofdapwip, it will curse you and those you beget for all time.

Tofdapwip's most sacred site is Bertkow in Germany.

Tofdapwip's Holy Commandments

1. Do not eat tomatoes.

2. Never write about the strong nuclear force.

3. Cucumbers are unclean and must never pass your lips.

4. Do not chop down trees.

5. Respect your elders.