Nurtonkveengat is a god.

She takes the form of a fat, proud jackal.

Nurtonkveengat created an electron five quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Nurtonkveengat, she will answer your prayers.

If you do not believe in Nurtonkveengat, she will turn you into a frog.

Nurtonkveengat's most sacred site is Oitti in Finland.

Nurtonkveengat's Holy Commandments

1. Never think ill of sick doves.

2. You must pray to Nurtonkveengat seven times a day.

3. Never think about the inheritance of acquired characteristics.

4. Never think about the weak nuclear force.

5. Do not wear cyan clothing.