Vonkdutsag is a god.

It takes the form of a corpulent, vain dingo.

Vonkdutsag created vertebrates three million years ago.

If you believe in Vonkdutsag, it will look on you favourably.

If you do not believe in Vonkdutsag, it will send four elderly elephants to rub you out.

Vonkdutsag's most sacred site is Vestfold in Norway.

Vonkdutsag's Holy Commandments

1. Do not drink from vessels made of earth.

2. Snakes are not to be trusted.

3. Ponytails are unholy and must not be worn.

4. Always prostrate yourself in the presence of your elders.

5. Always help cats.